Spring Rain
by Faylin-Linx
Summary: Rating may change. When there is darkness, one needs light to dissipate the shadows. When there is fear, one needs but show some love and tender care to make it fade from being. And when there is snow, one needs the spring to melt it all away.
1. Watching from the Sidelines

Summary: When there is darkness, one needs light to dissipate the shadows. When there is fear, one needs but show some love and tender care to make it fade from being. And when there is snow, one needs the spring to melt it all away, and reveal the true landscape beneath. But what if that snow had hardened in the loss of its spring, what if it had turned to ice? Well then, it would need but one thing to work at it, to melt it away, it would need a warm, gentle spring rain.

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Chapter 1: Watching from the Sidelines

Hatori sat at his desk, eyes bleary with sleep, but mind still focused on the paperwork in front of him. His reading glasses had slipped down to the end of his nose and he took them off for a moment, rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to hold a headache at bay, and then place them back on. He glanced at a clock across the room that read 3:48am and let out a weary sigh.

Already he'd been sitting there for somewhere in the vicinity of 6 hours and to him it seems he still had another 16 hours worth of paperwork to complete by the end of the night. And, if he hadn't known better, he could have sworn that the pile of papers had been growing, instead of shrinking, all night long….definitely not a good sign.

Taking his reading glasses of once more he rubbed at his eyes, trying to wipe the cloudy beginnings of sleep from them and get himself into a more alert, more work ready frame of mind. However, this didn't last long, for about an hour and a half later, he lay with arms folded on his desk and his head lying upon them. His glasses had slipped to the edge of his nose again, though the fact that he hadn't removed them showed that, for perhaps the third night in a row, he'd worked himself into exhaustion, until he'd passed out because of it.

And all the while, Ayame watched from the shadows, through a slight opening in the door. The silver haired man frowned. He'd been watching Hatori for some time now, noticing the doctor's habits of overworking himself, eating very little, if anything while he worked, and sleeping only when he'd fully exhausted himself to the point where he had no choice but to rest…and all of this because of Kana. At least, that was the reasoning Ayame put with his behavior, for he could not think of another that would cause the controlled and orderly doctor to end up like this, day after day, and night after night.

Truthfully it was starting to scare Ayame for, in all the years he'd known the dragon, he'd never seen him act quite like this, no matter what happened. I mean sure, Hatori was known for being a workaholic, but with his latest work habits, workaholic didn't even begin to encompass it.

Sighing almost inaudibly, Ayame slipped into the room and carefully uncurled Hatori's fingers from around his glasses, slipping them from his grasp without waking him, the silver haired man went over and set them on a nearby bookshelf where the doctor would be sure to see them upon waking.

He then went about reorganizing the papers that had fallen and/or been scattered when the dragon had finally fallen asleep. He set them beside Hatori once he had finished and then, let himself just look at the sleeping man for a moment. He looked so peaceful, so unguarded, and so lovable. Ayame smiled at the thought, but it was a smile not of happiness, but of the mix of sadness, bitterness, and longing.

He didn't understand it...why couldn't Kana have stopped blaming herself for Hatori's sake? Why hadn't anyone tried to comfort him afterward? Why had they all let him retreat behind the coldness that was now a protective and constricting wall around his heart? Why? Why? Why?

Ayame knew he could stand there wondering why all night, but it wouldn't change the facts of what had happened and it wouldn't change the way Hatori had chosen to cope with it either. And truthfully, deep down in his heart, the silver haired man knew that he too was guilty of not trying to help Hatori. Truly he'd tried once, but upon being rejected, he'd given up and never tried again...It was his fault just as much as it was anyone else's, and he hated himself for that as much as he hated Kana for leaving Hatori like this, and hated Akito for being the cause of it all. But above all else he thought of it as his own personal fault, for he'd been to afraid of rejection to bother to try again, to give Hatori the love he needed to survive...and now he was left with the cold shell of the man whose pain he could only see when he glimpsed it in secret from the shadows...Now, Hatori was closed off to him and to all of them...all of them save for one person. A person who had managed to melt away the barriers around the hearts of those she spent time with, including Yuki and Kyo.

Tohru, she would help, she had to help, otherwise Hatori may just end up working himself into an early grave and Ayame knew he wouldn't be able to stand it if such happened. And so he reached down and tenderly brushed a few stray black locks from out of Hatori's face, hooking them behind his ear before smiling that sad little smile again. "I promise you that I'll find the spring rain to melt the ice around you and bring you back," he said voice barely above a whisper before he turned on his heel and left the room.

Tomorrow was another day and Ayame had a plan. Tomorrow he would begin the task of helping Hatori become his old self again. He would help melt the ice that imprisoned Hatori's heart, if not for himself, then for another. And even if it took another person, even if Hatori ended up falling in love with that other person, Ayame could still watch him as he'd done when Hatori had been in love with Kana. He would still, watch, and hope, and wish, and love him from the sidelines as he always did. 


	2. A Reservoir of Painful Love

"Some say is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all."

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Chapter 2: A Reservoir of Painful Love

As the first light of dawn slipped over the distant hills and spilled over the landscape, everything was given an ethereal golden glow, including the silver haired man who sat on his front porch with his head in his hands. He was tired for, although sleep had eventually come to him, it had been a fitful sleep full of dark omens...dark omens involving the loss of the one man that he loved above all else, Hatori Sohma.

Ayame let out a dejected sigh as his thoughts once again turned to the closed off dragon who still lay asleep within his office. He knew Hatori would never..no could never love him in return, however part of him, likely the part that had helped him choose his peculiar occupation as the owner of a fantasy boutique, still dared to hope that one day, Hatori would come to love him as well. However, the more logical part of himself, the part many of his elatives denied the existence of, knew that it was a hopelessly one-sided love and always would be. That he'd best get used to sitting on the sidelines and watching from the shadows, because that's the way it always had been and was always going to be.

There were ways to deal with this, just as their were reasons why the egotistical snake always wore long sleeves and upon them, always seemed to wear a heart full of endless energy and self-loving cheer. Yes, there were reasons, there was a way to deal with his emotional pain, and there were scars that stood as proof. They were the only visible testament to his love for Hatori, and like his inner thoughts and emotions, he kept them from view. Not even Shigure knew, or perhaps he didn't and just had yet to say anything...no Shigure was a loud-mouth through and through, much as he himself often was...if Shigure knew then everyone would have found out by now and he'd have nothing left to hide.

Luckily though, he put off an air of exuberance and self-confidence that kept most from wanting to be around him any longer than they had to, with the exception of his darling assistant Mine, and the adoring aforementioned loud-mouth, Shigure...Hatori used to be one of those people as well, but ever since he'd been forced to erase Kana's memories he'd been so distant that he no longer seemed to be the friend he'd once been. Sure the other still looked after him and helped him out from time to time but now, it seemed he only did it because of obligation to the family, or because of his position as the Sohma family physician. However, the blonde was likely just reading too far into things after having seen the strain that Hatori put himself through to forget.

It was never to move on...only to forget. Somehow Ayame knew this, it was something he could just sense, for the dragon had claimed to have moved on since the incident. But who could suddenly get up one day and profess that he had moved on after having spent every night before that crying himself to sleep, never easing the pain no matter how hard or how much he cried? No one could, of that much Ayame was certain.

He himself has never cried for the loss of love, for the one he loved had never shown him love. Sure he'd dated a few girls and guys during his high school years, but they had meant nothing to him, and when Hatori would pass by with Kana, he could see the pure, true love that filtered through the very air around them and ran through them...and he knew that it was something that he did not have with any of the people he had dated...that he did not truly love them.

Oftentimes revelations such as these would cause the snake to drop whomever he was currently dating at the time like a sack of potatoes, not truly caring about the hurt he caused, unmoved by their tears, telling his friends that he was above feeling anything for those so far below him...and sometimes, he made himself believe that. Always charismatic, always cheerily annoying, always egotistical, that was the Ayame that he evolved into then, the Ayame that everyone knew him as even today. But the question simply was, was the Ayame that everyone saw the true Ayame?

The answer was simply, shockingly...or perhaps not so shockingly depending on whose point of view you looked at it from, no. The real Ayame, the part of him that he kept locked away inside himself, had none of the self-confidence that his outer image had. Instead it feared rejection from a man he'd never have the chance to offer himself to. It loved a man as cold as ice, without ever truly expecting anything back in return. It held within itself a deep reservoir of pain depicted outwardly only by strawberry gashes.

Ayame shook himself from his thoughts and pulled back the long sleeve of the kimono that he had slipped into to keep the morning chill away. Small red marks marred the perfect flesh he had there. He called them his little kitten scratches however, if he were being truthful to himself, they looked nothing like the shallow wounds a kitten or even a full grown cat would have been able to inflict. No, a few, but enough t be noticeable, were too deep for anyone to write it off as anything other than what it was...and that was why he kept his arms hidden away at all times beneath the beautifully ornate outfits he managed to get Mine to make for him.

However, the sun was now above the distant mountains, climbing higher and higher into the sky, and Ayame knew what he had to do, what he dreaded to do...but had to do, and so, he stood up purposefully. He would not back away from this, no matter how much it pained him to have to attempt to get Hatori to fall in love with another, it was more important that he help Hatori...and this was the only way he could see to do so.

With eyes downcast, the silver haired snake slipped inside and headed for the phone. Picking it up, he dialed shigure's number, and when the perverted inu picked, Ayame made himself smile deviously, putting his masks back up to help strengthen himself. After all, he'd just come up with a brilliant plan to save their precious Hari, as only he could.

"Shigure, I've got a brilliant idea, might I talk to your little flower?" he said at once in a rush, prompting a momentary silence on the other line and then finally, a reluctant reply.

"Ah...sure Aya, hold on a second," Shigure replied, and after he'd said that, Ayame could hear him calling to Tohru, who picked up after a moment.

"Hello? Ayame, is something wrong?" she asked, her first instinct being to ask that because Ayame almost never called, and when he did, it was always to talk to Shigure...never to her.

"Ah Tohru...I don't mean to trouble you but I was wondering if you could stop by the main house," he paused for effect, but made sure the pause didn't last long enough to give her a chance to overcome her shock at his request and ask why he had made it. "You see," he continued. "Hatori is terribly ill and he's been refusing to let anyone help him...I fear he'll work himself into an early grave if he keeps this up."

There was silence a moment and then the young onigiri finally replied. "Oh no! I had no idea Hatori was sick! I'll be over as soon as I can and I'll bring him some soup!" she said.

"Alright, thank you Tohru...if anyone can help him you can," he said, those last few words hitting home, stinging him to his core and piercing his heart as he hung up, not wanting to hear her shocked, humble reply.

Golden orbs misted over, a pool collected at their bottoms and then finally spilled over. He was crying, he was actually crying. 'Pitiful, this is for Hatori...he needs her,' he chided himself, but when he leaned against the wall, his legs quivered as he let out a violent sob, and he sunk to the floor. He knew she would help Hatori, but HE wanted to be the one to do it. HE wanted Hatori's love and wanted to be allowed to openly love him in return. HE wanted and wanted and wanted..and would never get. And, with tears streaming down his cheeks and sobs still violently racking his thin frame, he reached inside his kimono into one of the hidden pockets, withdrew a small knife, and smiled the sad, bitter smile of the night before at it.

Once again he pulled up his sleeve to reveal the marred perfection of his pale arm. It was his left arm...always his left arm...but not this time...this time it would be his right. The sleeve dropped and the other was rolled up instead, allowing him a glimpse of pale, unmarked flesh..beautiful flesh. He smiled and stroked the flat edge of blade against the length of his arm tenderly from elbow downward, stopping at his wrist, where the first cut was made.

"Hatori...I love you," he whispered as the knife slipped through his flesh easily...almost too easily, but the first cut was not deep. The ones that followed however, allowed him to lose enough blood to slip into the blissful embrace of darkness... of unconsciousness, where in his dreams, he could be with Hatori all he wanted and Hatori could be with him, unresisting, unrejecting, content...happy. 


	3. And So It Begins

"You so pure and other worldly with your scent of winter,  
Am I to bleed myself dry to see your delight?" 

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Charpet 3: And So It Begins

Sunlight filtered into the room and Ayame stirred for the first time in several hours. His eyes opened slowly and he brought his right arm up to block his currently light sensitive eyes from the suns powerful rays. 'What in the hell happened?' Ayame wondered as he lowered his arm, eyes finally adjusted to the light, and that was when he saw the blood that had crusted over upon his pale arm for the first time. His shocked gasp filled the air as the events of a few hours prior came rushing back to him and it turned into a muffled sob. He was such an idiot, such a failure, such a...his mind trailed off as he took in his surroundings. His was leaning against the wall beside the telephone and both his clothing and the floor were covered with dried blood.

It wasn't the first time, but it had never been this bad before...he'd never made quite a mess like this before, and his first reaction was to panic. He knew he'd called Tohru over to see to Hatori before he'd done this and he didn't want her to see this, or Gure if he had come, or worse, Hatori himself, and so he stood up on shaky legs surprised at his own weakness as he reached out and put one hand against the wall to brace himself.

"They can't see me...they can't see this...they can't," he murmured bitterly to himself, his voice holding a note of panic as he hurried to get something with which to wash away the blood from both his wrist and the wooden floor. He ended up first in the bathroom and found himself plopped down on the toilet as he gently wiped the blood from his wrist with a towel that he had wet, revealing the crimson gashes beneath. He whimpered as he applied a bit too much pressure on one of his passes and then chided himself for doing so. Surely it was stupid of him to whine over the clean-up after what he had already done to himself without making a fuss. However, as it was, that was then and this wa now, and the silver haired snake couldn't help but wince and whimer from time to time as he finished cleaning off the blood and began the process of tightly wrapping a bandage around his wounded wrist.

"There good as new," he said aloud to no one in particular after he had finished, though even as he said it, he knew it sounded hollow despite the chipper tone in which it was said. It wasn't 'good as new,' no, for it stood for something, it stood for his love for Hari, it stood for his innermsot feelings, it stood for his heart, and his heart still felt like it was about to shear into every time he let his thoughts drift to the object of his affections...to his Hatori...or rather the Hatori that who never would be his.

'A dream is a wish the heart makes,' someone had once told him, but when dreams showed one what they wished for but couldn't have when they woke...when dreams were pure torture, were they really a symbol of what his heart wished for? Did his heart wish for him to go insane? Did it wish to break itself into a million tiny, jagged little fragments? He let out a sigh, for truly, he could not decide what his heart wanted when it forced him to dream of happiness with the distant dragon.

Taking a look at his bandaged wrist, the snake frowned and grabbed the bloodied towel. His frown deepened then and he chucked in into the corner where no one would see it before getting another, wetting it, and heading out into the hall to clean the blood from the floor. Luckily he had decided to do it immediately instead of waiting, for just as he finished doing away with the second towel, he heard a knock at the door followed by Shigure's energetic voice belting out the words, "Aaaaayyyyaaaa I know you're in there." The words themselves were a personal joke between the them that none but the two of them would ever get, and it made him smile...it was just what he needed to shift back into his ever cheerful and exhuberant, if only slightly overly-dramatic self as he bounded into the entrway and flung open the door'  
"Gure-san, did you really miss me so much that you've come all the way here just to see me? I mean it's only been a day since the last time, surely someone will notice" he questioned, eyes starry as he gazed at his cousin.

"Ah, if only it were true Aya-chan, though I do love you above all else and missed you terribly, I came here with our little flower," Shigure replied, his eyes going starry eyed as well before he threw his arms around Ayame.

For a moment the snake tensed, however he relaxed quickly enough and Shigure didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, for he just grinned and leaned back against the wall. "You know Ha-san is terribly angry at you, calling my little flower over to tend to him and saying he needed tending to, I'll be surprised if he doesn't flay you," the dog said, calming down a bit at long last.

Again Ayame tensed and it took all of his will power to keep his mood from visibly darkening, and to keep from screaming out his true feelings, what he'd done and why he'd done it...and how it wouldn't matter anyway. Instead he merely smiled ruefully and ran a hand through his long silvery locks. "I know, but he'll get over it...even Tori doesn't have the willpower to resist Tohru's sweetness,"the snake murmured, knowing that it was the truth of the matter...No one could resist Tohru, not Kyo, not his brother Yuki...not even Hatori, and for that the silver haired beauty resented her, even if she didn't purposefully draw all attention to her...even if she didn't purposefully make them all love her in some way or another. It was just something he didn't want for Hatori, even if he knew that Tohru's kindness and natural sweetness were likely exactly what wa needed for him now.

He let out a dejected sigh as his gaze fixed on the floor suddenly, causing Shigure to look at him with concern in his eyes. "Aya, what's wrong?" he asked worriedly, wondering why such a pained, bitter look had come into his cousin's golden eyes all of a sudden. Had that been at his mention of Hatori?..the dog wondered but then pushed it aside as Aya looked quickly back at him and then grinned winningly. "Wrong? 'Gure Hari's going to flay me, going to mar my beautiful face," he mock-shrieked in alarm, causing a matching grin and a misheivous sparkle to replace Shigure's worry. "He'll try love, but no one's going to touch you unless they get through me."..It seemed the dog was playing gallant knight.  
"Oh Gure-san, my hero!" the platinum blonde murmured, as he hugged his cousin, supposedly clinging onto his proverbial knight in shining armor. This was the best farce he could play at a time like this...an all too familiar, perfected farce.

However they both froze and disentagled themselves from each others arms when they heard someone clearing their throat, it was Hatori, and beside him stood a very confused Tohru and a chipper as ever Momiji. As it was, the young blonde boy was the first to speak. His voice was full of youthful exhuberance, but Aya knew the boy was much like himself...though for entirely different reasons, and yet the boy was also the complete opposite. Both put on cheerful airs, but Momiji wasn't afraid to let his drop before the others, he certainly didn't keep his problems to himself to the degree that Aya did, and most of the time, his cheer was genuine, and it was that happiness, that ability to move on through hardship that Ayame admired in him. Even now,as ever, the boy had a bright smile and laughter danced in his bright eyes as he tugged on Tohru's coat sleeve and said something to her that caused, the onigiri to laugh and Hatori to look rather dour. However, before anything else could be said, Shigure piped in with, "Well I have to get going, I'll be back to pick up my beautiful little flower later on, so you boys better take good care of her while I'm away." And with that, Ayame's partner in crime was gone, leaving him with the little rabbit he admired, the girl that he envied more than anything else, and the man he desperately loved...And so it would begind, and he'd leave them to their own devices and just...hope for the best...and the worst.


	4. Bridging the Gap Between Likenesses

Just like to point out, as I've yet to do so, that I don't own any of these characters (if that wasn't obvious enough for you)... Anyway suing me wouldn't do anyone any good anyway, as I am currently broke. 

"Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth, but not its twin."

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Chapter 4: Bridging the Gap Between Likenesses

Tohru sat on the deck area beside Momiji as the two sipped the hot coco that Hatori had brought them, and while they were thus occupied, Hatori had retreated back inside to his desk, where work awaited him. Right now he would give anything to get away from them, a visit from Shigure and Ayame, a family emergency, or even a summons from Akito, but nothing came.

And so he sat there in silence, with his head in his hands, and listened to Tohru and Momiji talking excitedly just outside his door, not wanting to interrupt them by stepping out, even if he did wish to get some fresh air.

Soon though, their words almost seemed to mingle together and only became distinguishable when it was only Momiji speaking. And...what were they speaking about? Hatori hadn't the foggiest idea, and when he glanced at the clock, he wondered how the time had passed so quickly without his having noticed it, and then to top it off he nearly flew out of his chairs when a hand settled upon his shoulder.

'What the?' He spun around to find Tohru with a concerned expression upon her face, looking so much like Kana that he did almost did a double-take. "Hatori are you alright?" she asked hesitantly, immediately hoping she hadn't angered him by entering without knocking, but also daring to hope that he'd open up to her, for she believed that things were always much easier to deal with when you shared them with someone else. Sharing her troubles had always managed to take a load off of her own shoulders and so...

"I'm fine," he said curtly, but then added, "I'm just a bit tired," in a much calmer, softer voice when he saw the hurt look in her eyes. He'd forgotten how easily she was upset, how quickly she jumped to the conclusion that she'd said or done something wrong when it obviously wasn't the case, and he didn't want to be the one who made her cry. In fact he didn't want to make a woman cry because of something he'd said or done ever again...it was just...too much.

However, saying that he was tired had probably not been the wisest choice as she suddenly launched into what he'd one day heard Kyo refer to as 'mother mode,' which consisted of her fussing over whoever she thought needed it.

"Tired? Oh Ayame told me you haven't been getting much sleep lately and...Oh I'm sorry I know it isn't any of my business and I know you work really hard and have a lot to do but you really should rest," she paused a moment to take a breath and then continued. "Is there anything I can do? Maybe get you some hot tea to help you sleep? My mother used to do that for me when I was little. I'd tell her I could stay awake like a big girl and she would let me, and I'd fight to keep my lids from dropping until I was too tired to sleep, and then she'd give me some warm tea and tuck me in bed."

Part of him wondered how exactly how healthy it was for her to have said so much without breathing in-between words, another part of him urged him to send her on her way, but again he didn't want to offend or hurt her and so he simply said, "Some tea would be fine."

This caused her eyes to light up. "Alright, I'll go make you some tea then," she said in such a way that he didn't have the heart to point out that she was a guest in his house and thus he should be getting her something to drink and not the other way around...However, if it made her feel better, and allowed him to be left to his thoughts, then he would let her do it.

And so off she went, however, when she returned, she found Hatori curled up in his chair looking more vulnerable than she'd ever thought he could look, except of course for that one other time at the lake house, but that had been different somehow...Now it was just the two of them, and she felt like she was intruding upon something not meant for her. But she had his tea and so she couldn't leave, she'd just...leave it here for him in case he woke up and...'He must be cold,' she thought, thinking of how cold it'd been outside earlier.

And so, she went over to one of the cabinets, pulled out a blanket usually used for the dragon's patients, and wrapped it around him, hoping it would be enough, and then, with realizing what she was doing, she smiled softly at the peaceful expression upon his face, one that she hadn't seen since that day at the lake house, and she bent down and brushed her lips against his forehead in a tentative sort of kiss before whispering, "Sleep tight Hatori and sweet dreams." She then slipped outside, closing the door quietly behind her and rejoining Momiji.

And as she headed off with the exuberant blonde and left the sleeping dragon curled in his chair, she failed to notice the silver haired beauty watching from the shadows with tear stained cheeks and the tear bright, red rimmed eyes that had seen it all.

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Well there you have it folks, sorry for the shortness, oh and the crapiness of this chapter...I needed to bridge to what will hopefully be a more involved scene with Ayame in the next chapter.

Anyway I would like to thank all of those that have reviewed thus far, especially Tsu-chan, to whom I grant my Ayame plushie.


	5. Lost And Found

"The existence of forgetting has never been proved: We only know that some things don't come to mind when we want them." 

Chapter 5: Lost And Found

Darkness, darkness, the world was covered in darkness until he tried to move against it and found a way to slice through it when a pain suddenly ran though his body, starting at his wrists and radiating downward.

'What in the.." Golden eyes flickered open for but a moment before closing again in the face of the blinding rays of sunlight that streamed in from a large bay style window. Panic seized him quite suddenly as he took in the place in all its unfamiliarity. Where was he? Why couldn't he remember how he'd gotten here?...Or better yet, why couldn't he remember anything.

Something had happened, the ache that resounded within his heart whenever he attempted to recall exactly what it was, told him that whatever it was, it had slowly been eating away at him...or at least, it felt as if it had...as if it had been slowly eating away at his heart. However, he wasn't given time to figure out much more, let alone what has caused such an ache when all of a sudden the opening of the door to the room drew his attention to it.

As far as he could see it was the only way in and out, and whoever stepped through would have the answers he felt that he so desperately needed...for something, even if he had yet to figure out what it was, was desperately missing.

The person who he assumed would give him the answers he sought, was as unrecognizable to him as the room he was currently in had been when he'd first stirred. The man, or rather the boy, actually the longer the silver haired man looked at him, the harder it was to tell which it was, for the person in question had a fairly youthful appearance but also a deep wisdom in his eyes and a wold weariness that seemed to wrap around him like a well-used blanket when he entered the room.

However when he noticed that Ayame was awake, the weariness faded a bit, and his ancient jade eyes brightened as he moved to the bedside. His stride held an almost feline grace to it, much like Ayame's own, though the obviously well-toned muscles that rippled under the man's skin bespoke of a power that the snake doubted he would have much of a chance against if it came to a struggle, though considering the fact that the other had brought him here from, wherever it was he'd been, he felt it was safe to assume that he was in no immediate danger.

This assumption was reinforced by the fact that the person in question looked overjoyed at...what?His what recovery? At his having woken up? The snake had not idea which it was and he wasn't thinking clearly besides...hell it could have been both or neither as well he suppose, but that didn't change the fact that the other would have more information then he had himself at the moment, and that was a start.

"It's nice to see that you're awake for a change," said the man who had pulled up a chair beside the bed, and before Ayame could get in a word edgewise he continued with, "And here I was starting to give up hope that you'd ever wake up again." Then more quietly he added, "my brother never did." And when that was said there was a deep anguish in those jade green eyes that quickly faded when he realized that Ayame had taken notice of it and instead of dwelling on whatever memories had caused such a look, he grinned. "Guess you're just more resilient than he was...good thing to, don't think I coulda handled seeing another die in the same fashion Indrick did...it just didn' seem right somehow."

Rick must have been his brother Ayame noted, and he briefly wonder what it was short for before he caught on another little detail. This was more subtle, but the silver haired beauty noticed it just the same, and it was simply that, when talking about things that obviously troubled him, the man before him, or again perhaps he as just a boy, would start talking with the slight hint of an accent...And also, what had he meant about seeing another die in he same fashion. He didn't remember be near death, sure he'd felt like his heart had been ripped out when he'd woken, but when he looked down he'd found it in tact, and there ha been bandages...wait...bandages?

Ayame glance down at the bandages tied securely around each of his arms, they both extended from wrist to elbow, and were wrapped tightly enough to hold them in place and stop any bleeding, but not so tightly that they cut off circulation to his arms, for which he was grateful.

"Who are you?" the snake asked idly as he tugged at one of the bandages in an attempt to loose it and see what lie beneath, which warned him something akin to a slap on the wrist and a disapproving glare.

"Jaromir Sohma," the other replied without a hitch as he made sure the bandages hadn't been upset when Ayame'd tried to loosen them.

Sohma... Now bthat/b sounded familiar...but why? Ayame fell silent as he puzzled over this recent bit of information and how it sounded so familiar..and yet...he couldn't seem to place it, and that aggravated him to no end, for he felt that everything was there, hovering just beyond his reach, ready to dip close and then dance away back into the shadows beyond whenever he attempted to grab at anything that sounded even vaguely familiar. It was as though pat of him didn't want to remember, and with the sudden recollection of the pain he'd felt well up from within him, centered at his heart, when he'd first tried to remember, he wondered if it wasn't for the best.

"So, you gonna tell me what the hell you were thinking when you slashed those up," Jaromir said, gesturing to Ayames now bandaged arms, "Or are ya gonna sit there and stare at me like I'm stupid all day."

The words brought Ayame back to the present, and stopped him from trying to remember for the moment, for it seemed that trying to grasp at his thoughts and memories, from any time but a few minutes ago, was a fruitless effort. But staring? Had he really been...

Suddenly he realized that his own golden eyes were in fact fixed on his companion and he quickly averted his gaze. "Sorry," he murmured by way of apology.

Jaromir rolled his eyes at the apology. "Geez, I don't care about that, just tell me what I have to help ya deal with so you don't try to make an end out of your life too early." He blinked then, clapped a hand over his mouth, and likely realized that probably seemed far too blunt and rather rude as well, plus who knew what it might to someone who had obviously been distressed enough to try and put an nd to their own life. "Eh sorry, that was dumb, I erm..." He thought of something but was interrupted.

"I...I don't know."

Jaromir blinked again and one could clearly see the confusion in his eyes. "You don't know what?"

"I...can't remember, every time I try to grasp something.. it slides away under these shadows and...I just can't seem to grasp anything at all it's like..." He stopped there, he had no reason to trust Jaromir even as he had no reason to distrust him, however he sill thought it best to keep the fact that part of him seemed to refuse to accept whatever those memories were and was keeping it from his conscious mind...and he also decided not to mention the ache that gripped at his heart even now, create a feeling that there was something missing...something that his elusive memories could return to him...or could they?

There was a frown that marred Jaromir's handsome, boyish features as his gaze rested on Ayame while he pushed the snake's words around in his head. Amnesia he decided after a moment of silent deliberation, and that was what made him frown. He id not know anything about the man who lay in his brother's old bed, not where he came from, nor who he was, nor what had caused him to try and take his own life, nor even what the other did remember, if anything...and he certainly didn't know what the consequences of taking him in would be, for surely there would be consequences, someone would come looking for him surely, he was beautiful even wounded, and he looked so lost and fragile right now.

The frown deepened as Jaromir realized that part of him already felt a need to protect this man who had lain in bed for weeks looking much like a a wounded animal, whom he had brought here because he couldn't bear to see another suicide like his brother's...and he'd done so without even knowing why the other had been trying to make the ultimate escape, but now, neither did the man in question...and perhaps, Jaromir surmised..it was best that way. At least then he wouldn't have to worry about trying to fix problems he likely would even be able to begin to understand even i the other'd told him about them...for he'd never been particularly good at helping other people with their problems, after all he'd attempted to help his brother and look what had happened to him.

Jaromir flinched away from the memory of his brother and instead held himself anchored with the present..with the man laying in his brother's bed, and he smiled as he reached out to put what he hoped would be a comforting hand, on the others shoulder before saying. "It's alright...I'll help you get them back...I'll help you remember." And for some reason, Jaromir couldn't help but fell like he'd just damn himself with his own words.

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Alright, thanks to everyone for putting up with this seemingly random chapter, and I promise it will all soon make sense when it is at last connected. As it is you'll likely find out when Ayame finally remembers what happened, however long it takes, which will mean an eventual reintroduction of the other cast members when they take Ayame back...and the question of whether or not Jaromir will give him back...yes, folks I've decided Jaromir is going to be a rather complex and difficult character just to make the plot more...interesting, and so, I'll attempt to make him fairly likable...most of the time.

Anyway again I'd like to thank all of my reviewers and all who are already or plan to become loyal readers of this story. Sorry if this chapter is sub par, but it is always hard for me into introduce original characters into fanfics.

And to all, feel free to comment on anything, make suggestions on things you'd like to see in the story, or request a story (as I am now taking requests).


	6. Yesterdays Both Old and New

"It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow."

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Chapter 6 - Yesterdays Both Old and New

In a world of endless tomorrows and yesterdays, you'd think that one might be worried when those yesterdays disappeared, and yet for Ayame that was not the case, for instead of chasing his lost yesterdays, he spent the first week or so with Jaromir in a general state of contentment. He remained unrushed in any pursuit of his former memories, if he even still planned to hold such a pursuit, and he soon grew accustomed to the lifestyle of his new companion.

Yes, it seemed that Ayame fit right in for, as soon as he was up and out of bed, he'd begun trying to help, not knowing what else to do, and usually not what to say either.

However it that turned out to matter very little in actuality, for talk didn't often seem needed to fill the space between them. No, for them the silence that stole about in the air around and between them was a companionable one and when they wished to speak with one another, they did without worries. Ayame was grateful to the man for saving his life, and Jaromir was just glad to have someone to talk to again for the first time in years on the occasions when they did sit down and talk.

And talk was something that became more regular as the days wore on. Talk and work, anything to fill the void within him...At times it almost seemed t do the trick, but there were night when for seemingly no reason at all, the silver haired man would wake up with an ache in his chest that never seemed to go away, as though there was something important missing there, and yet he was considered intact...he looked intact, so why did he feel that way?

In actuality, Ayame knew the answer to that as well for, sometimes he would dream, for dreams are fickle things that, at times, cannot be helped. They are doorways to the past, the present, the future, and the inner wishes and desires, and for Ayame, when was missing touched each and every one of those bases.

This was because, though he could not put a name or face to the voice in his dreams, he knew it represented the past he could not recollect, a future he had once desperately strived for, a wish to be with whoever it was that spoke to him now each and every night as he slept, and something he was clearly missing at the present time. Yes, it seemed Hatori was there even as he was not there, a clear driving force where there should have been none to be had...but I suppose that is simply what love does to you, it leaves a mark that you can never rid yourself of, no matter what you do, or how hard you try.

As the night before it, the dream had come again, this time thought, came flashes, images, things he could not quite make out, but which seemed to hover just on the edges of his memory, still skittering away when he tried to grasp and make sense of them, but coming ever closer each day. But no, he wasn't trying to find out what he had obviously made himself forget. It would have made absolutely no sense to go looking for such trouble, for he knew he would only find trouble, and that ever present ache...if he found out, that ache would intensify...because of that man...wait, what man?

Jaromir had entered and stared at the man who was so like and yet so unlike his beloved brother, and he reached out to brush a lock of hair from the man's face, when Ayame shifted suddenly and nuzzled his hand, a name falling from his lips, a name that Jaromir almost recognized...No wait that was Hitori, a former friend of his late brothers...no, what the snake had said was Hatori, no Hitori...but who was this Hatori wondered Jaromir as he pulled the felled covers up over the silver haired beauty upon the bed.

Who was he indeed that made tears run down Ayame's cheeks, tears which Jaromir carefully brushed away with his fingertips before he left the room.

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The phone rang and an anxious Hatori quickly picked it up. "Any sign of him?" he asked the one on the other line, not bothering to ask who it as and no longer caring to hide his distress. Ayame had been missing for nearly a week and a half now, a whole week and a half. He hadn't called, hadn't said he was going to leave and...Hatori looked down at his clenched fist; or rather he looked at the piece of paper curled up within it. 'Damn him, damn him for doing this to them...why couldn't he...why couldn't he have just said something?'

The phone hang limply in his hand now, "Why was I so blind?" Hatori mused aloud while inwardly kicking himself, if only he'd paid more attention...if only...

There'd been a reply on the other end of the line, but he hadn't heard it, and so he quickly picked it up the receiver and held it to his ear once more. "What?" he asked, feeling uncharacteristically stupid.

"I said I've found him Hari, I've found him!" came the excited voice, followed by, "He's alive!"

According to the note he shouldn't have been, but despite Shigure's being a known prankster, this was something he wouldn't dare joke about...Ayame was alive, at least that much the dragon could be grateful for, but how would he ever face him now?

"Hari, you still there?...I'll be over in a few, and then we can go get him," Shigure said.

"I can't," came the dragon's response.

"Why the hell not? He's your best friend!" the dog exclaimed, for once losing his cool, something that almost never happened...Shigure didn't know about the note.

"I just...can't, he won't want to see me" Hatori replied and then hung up the phone, not wanting to hear whatever else Shigure had to say to him for that comment along the lines of, 'Why wouldn't he want to see you?' or 'Baka, he always wants to see you,' or something else that should have made this all blatantly obvious...that should have given him the ability to prevent all of this from happening. 'But at least he's alive...thank god he's alive.'

And so it now seemed that Ayame's yesterdays, both the old and the new, were going to collide for better or worse, even if he couldn't remember the former ones.

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And so I end this forced and horribly written (oh and rushed, haven't mentioned overly rushed) chapter to the story. Don't worry, I won't be offended if this causes reviews to flag. 


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